It's the Saturday before Easter. I'm sitting here just trying to imagine what it was like.
Yesterday, all my friends and I would have seen our mentor, our hope, the man that we thought would fix it all, be brutally murdered. I awoke this morning wishing, hoping, praying that it was all just a horrible dream. I'm numb to everything around me. I can't seem to gather my thoughts. Didn't He say that He was the son of God? We saw Him do miracles. Heck, we saw Him walk on water! So why did He let them do THAT to Him? It just doesn't make sense.
The guys are all meeting up in a little while. I just don't know if I can take it being with them all. It's just too hard. I'm emotionally drained right now. I cried myself to sleep last night and now my eyes are swollen shut.
Could it be that I've just wasted the last three years of my life? What if I left my job, my family, my home all for nothing? I wish He was here. I wish I could just ask Him what I'm supposed to do next. He would know. He'd probably tell me some parable about it. I loved His stories. Maybe I'll go fishing. Haven't been in a while. I've got to start figuring things out.
Ah, the smell of the open sea. I can always count on fishing to relax me. I can just forget about the horror of yesterday and listen to the waves crash against the boat. But I still have this feeling in my gut like its not over. I can't shake the feeling that I'll see Him again. Didn't He say something about rebuilding the temple in three days? He was always so mysterious. But I'm certain that He knew this would happen. I think He even said He'd raise from the dead. But, if you would have seen what I saw yesterday, you would know He's not coming back from that.
The ladies are going to the tomb tomorrow. If I can get myself together, I might join them. For now, I think I'll just try to sleep and pray that tomorrow is a better day.
And it was.